I read a story when I was in fifth standard, about a crow-couple who were planning to build a nest and were searching for a favourable spot for setting it up. They wanted the place to be warm and cozy as Mrs. Crow (don’t mistake her for a human being, I am actually talking about birds) was expecting eggs.
After searching for some time, the crows found a place, which matched up their expectations. But on the same day, they saw a cuckoo-couple eyeing the same spot. The cuckoos had also spotted the crows. The crows grew worried as they thought that the cuckoos were also inclined upon building their nest in the same spot. In a hurry, they began building their nest and finished it quickly.
Soon, Mrs. Crow laid her eggs; there were 4 of them. The crows were very happy and started thinking of nice names for the tiny babies, which would soon hatch out of the eggs.
However, all their joys were interrupted with a sudden sense of fear and insecurity; when they saw the cuckoos sneaking near their home again; as the day of hatching of the eggs drew near. The crows wondered what were the cuckoos upto. Assuming that the cuckoos were upto some mischief, they started keeping a closer watch on their eggs.
Finally, the eggs hatched and the newcomers filled the nest with their delightful twitter. The cuckoos were not seen for some time. As time rolled by, the baby birds got feathers. But one thing puzzled the crow-couple; one of the babies had started to look very different from the rest. Unlike the ‘rich and stately black texture of crows’ (as the crow-couple felt); this one was developing strange spots on its body. The couple had started feeling worried, as they wondered whether some dreadful disease had caught hold of their child. Their anxieties grew as time passed. This child also kept mum for most of the time.
The baby birds had gradually learnt to spread their wings for their first flight. Even now the parent crows could not figure out what was wrong with this kid; until one a spring morning, they received the greatest shock of their lives. Their seemingly ‘sick’ child was singing to the tunes of spring, which are known only to cuckoos.
Things became clearer when the baby cuckoo flew to another branch, where its parents waited for it. The crows were dumbfounded to see the same old cuckoo couple, whom they had seen before.
Moral of the story-apples do not grow on bamboo trees. Confused? You guys must be wondering what am I posting on? Well, that thing about grapes and apple trees is something that my mother always tells me; whenever I express a desire to adopt a child later in life.
She means to say that an adopted child is not likely to be attached to the parents to the extent a real biological child is. I am often surprised to hear her say so. But whenever I attempt to argue her idea, I fail to defend my own ideas about the topic completely. Somewhere, it results in a failure of my faith in my own values. I feel that if provided with love, a good upbringing and education, then an adopted child loves us; or is as dear to us as a biological child.
But there are some people who contest this idea. According to them, the genes that a child inherits from its biological parents is the single most important factor, which determines a child’s attitude, nature and behaviour. Such people also believe that the amount of love, education and upbringing that such a child receives influences its tastes and values to an extent. But it cannot eclipse the natural traits and qualities that a child receives from its original parents.
Therefore, their argument concludes this way-if you adopt a child, whose biological parents (either one or both) were ill tempered, wicked, of loose morals, or worse-criminals; then there is quite a possibility that the child would follow their footsteps.
I cannot agree with such a thought completely, but I find it difficult to deny it as well. And unfortunately, the incidents that I have heard or know of with regard to this issue, tends to confirm the view opposed to the one I hold.
But then, there are certain points that I would like to make. The kind of morals and attitude a child exhibits is also determined by the kind of treatment that it receives from its foster parents. There are some cases where a childless couple goes ahead and adopts a child. Soon after that, they have their own child (miraculously). The scene changes after the arrival of the newcomer. The parents start neglecting, ignoring or worse, ill-treating the adopted child.
In my family there is a belief that when one provides a home to an orphan, it is a blessed act. It is considered to be an act of great virtue and could be followed by the arrival of a biological offspring in the house.
It is not that parents always tend to ignore or ill-treat an adopted child, after they have their own child (most of us have to be insane to a certain degree to do so). But, the general idea is that even though one does not ill-treat or ignore adopted children, after the birth of their own child; consciously or unconsciously, the balance of love and affection tilts in favour of one’s biological child.
I guess that could be one reason, which leads to enforcement of stringent adoption laws in certain countries. In some places, a single parent; especially a single man is not allowed to adopt children because of fear of abuse or other such instances.
There are several other debates in relation to this issue, pertaining to property distribution among children, adopted as well as biological. At some orphanages, parents who adopt children of a tender age (6-7 months or a year old baby) are told in advance that they should reveal to the child, his/her actual identity, when they are slightly older (say 7-10 years).
Nonetheless, it is optional. There are some people who think it wiser to disclose the truth to the child because they feel that once the child passes into his/her teens or climbs up more steps of the age-ladder; it becomes more difficult for the parents to divulge the truth.
It is also believed that at that stage, if the adopted offspring comes to know of his/her actual parentage, then it could lead to devastating consequences for the him/her, in terms of emotional and mental well being.
People, who are not quite comfortable with such a view (myself included), think that it is best if the child is never told about his/her past or the fact that he/she is an adopted child. But the trouble comes when the child learns the truth from somewhere else. Such a situation is best avoided.
Then, would it be right if a child is adopted when he/she is fully conscious emotionally? Would it be right to adopt a child, when he/she knows that people who are not his biological parents; are willing to make him/her a part of their lives? Is this likely to impact the child’s behaviour or nature in future? I do not think that anyone has a definite answer to this question as of now.